My Friend’s Boyfriend Groomed Her

Tracy Martinez
3 min readOct 17, 2021

You can’t save them all.

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

Lucy was great. She was young and beautiful. She had the most beautiful skin, clear and supple. She had beautiful long dark hair, was barely old enough to be an adult and was inexperienced when it came to relationships. Her family forced their Catholicism on her so she felt ashamed to be sexually liberated. They made it known that if she had sex she was to be damned and was a whore. They saying will always ring true.

“If you tell a teen they can’t do something…They will do it behind your back.”

Thankfully, I could never relate to that. I digress.

Lucy met Michael not long after her High School graduation. He was older, handsome and worked a decent enough job to be able to spoil her. Naturally, she loved the attention and love he was giving her. When they first started dating she didn’t bring him around because she didn’t want to share her news with anyone and that was enough of a red flag for me. I understand wanting to preserve an aspect of your relationships so they aren’t belittled or criticized by your friends. We have all heard about the moments where women share pictures of the people they are seeing and their feedback isn’t positive. The red flags are raised when someone hides their partner because they don’t want to hear their friends tell them that “He made a pass at me” or “He made an inappropriate comment about my body” and they choose to discredit their friends in order to keep him happy.

Michael kept making those comments until Lucy finally lost her friends. He isolated her completely from her friends and from her family. As the isolating began, he started introducing the idea of sleeping with other women with her and becoming a throuple. She later shared the fact that they had already slept with another woman who they found on an app. The red flags and alarms rang off in my brain. We were all concerned for her being that being in an open relationship since she had never ever mentioned wanting to be in one.

If she did, that would have been her business because she is grown and can do whatever she wants with her body as long as there is consent and not coercion.

All the signs of grooming were there and she believed that she was in agreeing to things because she loved him and she didn’t want to be the difficult one to say otherwise.

I’d like to say that we kept in contact with her but it is very hard to maintain a friendship with someone who is isolated. No matter how hard you try to get someone to get coffee or go to brunch it is ultimately up to them.

I wish her well and hopefully one day she notices the signs of grooming.

You can’t save em all. You can sure try.

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

Disclaimer: Names changed to protect their identities.

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Tracy Martinez

Writer. Fur Momma. Feminist. Coffee Addict. Backspacing Machine.